What I'm Thankful For This Year....

I'm thankful for everything and everyone God has put into my life, but this year, I am also thankful for what He hasn't put in my life.

Sounds kind of odd, huh?

Not so much though.

I wanted my husband to have a job, but in all reality, I have loved all of the extra time that I have gotten to spend with him. Last year in El Dorado, he was working full time and going to school full time and I hardly got to see him. I couldn't wait until the weekends when we could finally travel the hour and a half back home to our families. Sure, I loved seeing my family, but I hadn't really gotten to see my husband all week and those 2 short days were like Heaven to me.

I'm also thankful for one other thing that I wasn't given. I wanted to be pregnant so bad. I realize now that, that wasn't a very good idea right now, and I know that God could see this, even if I couldn't. I know me and Stewy are ready for one mentally and physically, but not financially. When we have one, we are going to want to spoil that child, almost to a fault. And right now, that is just not possible. At first I was upset about this, but I know that our time will come. I start Fort Scott Cosmetology School in January and more than likely, this time next year, I will be in a salon, doing something that I truly love and am going to enjoy doing for the rest of my life. After that, I am sure we will be ready for one. But, until then, I'm going to be very very busy!

I'm so thankful that Stewy is finally supporting me on this career choice.

On another note, I am extremely excited for Christmas! I've already gotten my mom and grandma's presents. We still have to get presents for my dad, brother, Stewy's mom, dad, brother, sister, brother-in-law, grandma, and our niece. Whew! That is a mouthful!

The present I am most excited for is my husband's, of course. I know exactly what I want to get him, and I know he will love it. But, of course, he will already know what it is when he opens it because he is the best present guesser in the world. Maybe I will hide it, wrapped, until Christmas. I would be kind of like Mrs. Claus!

AHHH! I am SO excited!

49 Days until the best day of the year!

Love and Money

I really thought this was going to be my husband's break. Sure, he wants to be a firefighter, and yeah, that's what he's going to school for, but does that mean that he shouldn't be given the chance to have a different job in a different field that would also help him further his career in firefighting? I'm so freaked out about money now!

I called my student loan company and they told me I wouldn't be put on financial aid probation and I wouldn't have to pay back any of the money if I was enrolled in a new school by next semester. Then, I called Pitt State today and they told me I would more than likely have to pay them. AND....I can't receive any financial aid until I got all of that paid

I just feel like crawling into bed and never getting out of it again!

Why does money have to be such a prized posession these days?! My dad is hardly getting any business anymore which means, I am usually only working there, at most, 5 hours a day and only 3 days a week.....

...................BUT!

Although we are having some financial problems right now, I know that we are truly blessed. Things could be alot worse. As long as we are still in love, which we are, and have our health....Love and God will see us through anything and everything!

My Epiphany!!!!

I have found out what I want to do after my break from school! All thanks to Audra, Christina, and my wonderful husband! I always knew I wanted to do this but it was more or less something I would pursue later on in life after I already had a career.

Last year around this time I was freaking out about school and wanted to quit all together. I pushed through with the help of my husband and I know I will be able to make it through this career change with him also. He is my stability and my strength through these rough times when I don't know which path to choose.

OKAY! Drum roll please..............................COSMETOLOGY!!!

This is actually a very different path than early childhood development or elementary education! I guess I have always known that I truly wanted to pursue this but it took my friends to reassure me that I would be great at it and my husband and family to be supportive of it.

I'm just estatic to start this in January! Its only going to take me 9 months to finish! And....in the mean time, I get to have 3 of my favorite holidays off and make more money for the best holiday of all....Christmas!

Revelations and Realizations

As I drive to class every Tuesday and Thursday, I always dream about later that day when I get to FINALLY drive home. I hate being around people I don't know and in a place where I am only known as a student number. I have been trying to trick myself into believeing that I actually like my college, but I know deep in my heart that I absolutely hate it!

Today, I drove all the way to Pittsburg from Iola only to turn right back around and come home. I can't help but think that I just wasn't really meant to go to a university. As much as I absolutely hated living in El Dorado, I love Butler Community College. The professors actually know your name, everyone's name for that matter. They cared about what was going on in your life and the student as a person in general. To them, the students weren't just a number or a dollar sign. I have had a HUGE revelation about this school. I want my family and husband to be very supportive and open-minded about my decision. I know they will love me no matter what my decision was. I don't want them to be dissappointed in me. I know they will love me no matter what though.

My decision about school is..........I WANT A BREAK! I want to be free of the everyday stress that is on my back to perform well on exams and quizzes and the quintessential everyday assignments. I make up excuses every day I go to class to try to get out of it. I know that I am not giving my best to each and every one of my classes and I know I am better than this! I want out of Pittsburg State University! I'm not saying that I don't ever want to go back. I just want the rest of this semester and next semester off. I want a chance to live my life! I just can't let this time of me being uninspired by school affect my entire future!

I also realized on my way home that the hostile feelings that I have toward a certain person in my life, not family, my LIFE right now, is because I am channeling my feelings about school towards him. This guy is 0ne of my very good friends and I know that he would never intentionally do anything to make me mad or disrespect me.

I prayed on the way home from Pittsburg that God would be with me when I told my husband and my parents about this. I know that I can do this with Him by my side. I just hope He can help my family understand me and my feelings.

I'm going to start with my husband. Wish me luck!

THE CARNIVAL IS COMING TO TOWN!!!!!!

Its almost Farm City Days in my hometown! I haven't been to a carnival since I was in the 8th grade! I can't believe I'm going to be able to spend time with my greatest most truest friends, THE DOWNINGS, and of course my dashing husband Eric Thomas Stewart!

Like I said, the last time I went to a carnival was in the 8th grade and I went with my then boyfriend...which just so happens to be my NOW husband! It was such a magical night way back 7 years ago and I can only imagine how magical it will be now!

OHHHH......the lights swirling all around on my most favorite ride, the sizzler....it seems like just yesterday that me and my husband were getting on this ride with our little glow in the dark necklaces and bracelets, hand in hand!

It's going to be soooo cold too though....which means sweaters and boots and SCARVES! I absolutely have got to find my most favorite white bejeweled scarf!

OH, I JUST CAN'T WAIT!!!!